Miss Thang vs. Revrend Bogg
On Saturday I was down the town centre with Revrend Bogg and all of my Church. We were singing and trying to save souls. I was shaking my tamborine (and my booty). Anyway, who should walk past but Brian and Debbie and Keith and Miss Thang and Barbara. Miss Thang heard all our singing and she was started screaming "I FUCKED JESUS UP THE ASS LAST NIGHT!" and other stuff like that. Revrend Bogg got all excited and he pointed at them all and was like "We have HOMOSEXSHUALS IN OUR MIDST!!! You people are the UNGODLY and HELL-BOUND!" Debbie turned round, pulled her knickers down and did a shit right in front of them - "That's what I think of yous lot!" she said. It was all getting a bit nasty, and then Brian noticed me.
"Jamie?" is that you? Everyone was like dead shocked and started asking questions at me: "You've changed so much!" "What happened to your hair?" "Is that a side parting?" "Why is it just one colour?" "Where's your fake tan?" "Why are you wearing Gap cordoroys?" "Is that shirt from MARKS AND SPENCER????"
I was like "BEGONE, I am WITH CHRIST and such things like don't matter to me anymores."
Miss Thang was like "Oh fuckin ell they've brainwashed the little cunt."
Then my GIRLfreind Flo stepped in and was like "Jamie's one of us now. He's saved. And when we're all raptured up to Heavin, you sinners'll be left down here in the nuclear war and everything."
Miss Thang was like "Yeah? Well good, cos maybe all the radiation will make my hand grow back (she lost it remember during a tragick accident invovling a waste disposal unit).
Brian was like "Jamie, I'm sorry we were all horrible to you. Come to Climax 2000 with us. It's a Kylie night. Theyre playing as much Kylie as you can stand to listen to...."
But I was like "No, the HOMOSEXUAL LIFESTYLE is in my past. I am BORN AGAIN!"
"Hallyloolah!" shouted all my Church at once. And then all my ex-freinds sulked off in a huff.