Saturday, March 10, 2007

Jockstraps and Jesus

So anyway, I have been spending like loads of time with my new best freind Tyler. He is in this bodybuilding group called "Lifting Rocks for Jesus." He strips down to this tiny jockstrap with all these other hunks and then they do weightlifting for like an hour and pose and take photos of each other. I am there helper. I have to rub oil on them for the photos, and look after all the different jockstraps. They all have girlfreinds though and keep talking about them all the time, I don't get it!!

Everyone at Tyler's singing group says that I am like the best singer they have had. All the women there keep asking me for makeup and fashion tips (most of them are mingaz with no stile at all, but I am doing my best).

There leader is this guy with frizzy white hair who they all call Revrend Bogg. He said to me "do you believe in God Jamie?" And I was like "I've never really thought about it." Revrend Bogg was like "God loves you Jamie." Then he spent like an hour telling me that there IS a God. It was all a bit complicated and I didn't really listen to most of it, but it seems that the planet is only 5000 years old and everythings so perfect so it must have had like a proper designer and stuff who lives in Heaven. I was like "But Brian told me that we all came from like tadpoles millions of years ago." Revrend Bogg stood up and got really mad. He started kicking chairs around and pulled a bookcase over. All these leaflets with pictures of angels on them went everywhere.

"Evilution is a nasty lie!" he screamed in my face. "Say it! Say it Jamie!" So I said it. He then grabbed my hand and said "Get down on your knees! We'll pray together Jamie!" It was all a bit intense. He was all red and sweating and stuff and he held my hand really tight.

Anyway, I guess I believe in God now. It's nice to think when I die I will go to heaven and be surrounded by hot angels and shit like that.

Revrend Bogg puts all the photos of Tyler and the other Lifting Rocks for Jesus hunks on this website and people have to pay to see them. I asked him what he does with the money and he told me that it all goes to do Gods work in Africa. He has invited me round to his house for the weekend so we can talk some more about god and pray together. It's this fabulous mansion, like 18 bedrooms. I cant wait.


At 6:08 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Careful Jamie, soon these "friends" will be telling you about Leviticus 18:22 or even 20:13.

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