Jamie4U

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Booty Call

Well, I didn't hear anything from my hunky new "straight" footballer boyfriend Gav, despite sending him like 500 text messages in 3 days. Maybe he lost his mobile or something. I dunno. Anyway, I was in bed cos it was like 3 in the morning and then I heard my mobile go, so I checked it and it was Gav and he was like "can I come round I need a bj". So I was like "Sure". Anyway, he turns up and I could tell he was drunk. He didn't really want to talk or anything, he was so horny. He just pulled down his shorts to reveal those muscly thighs and grabbed my head. It was fab! Though I wish it had lasted more than 30 seconds. Oh well. I guess he must be in a rush. I offered to make him a cup of tea but he said "fuck off queer!" and ran out right away. Butch guys are so hot aren't they!

Anyway, I didnt hear anything from him for a few days and then the same thing happened again. This is like my ideal relationship! I was bragging to Debbie and Keith about it yesterday, but they didn't seem to "get" it. Debbie was like "But he treats you like rubbish. What about your needs!" And Keith was like "Yeah, you have no control in this relationship Jamie!" And I had to think about it for like ten minutes and then I realised that YES, they were right. I think it is because Gav is still in the closet and he is ashamed to be himself. However, I am so caring and kind - I feel I have been put on earth to liberate peopple from the closet.

So I went down to the football ground where Gav was playing in a match. I was wearing my pink "GAY PIMP!" t-shirt and a feather boa. I skipped onto the pitch in front of everyone, cos I like don't care and ran to Gav and kissed him. He was like "FUCK OFF!" And I said "That's not what you said the other night when we were HAVING SEX! My mate Debbie was hiding in the closet, just like you, and she took photos on her mobile, I have proof!" (Even though that bit was a lie cos she wasntin the closet).

And all the other lads were laughing at him. So he like freaked out and ran away.

I feel so glad about it. Now he can be himself and embrace the gay life.

Anyway, you can imagine how shocked I was when I was flicking round the telly tonight and on the local news it turns out that he lay down on the train tracks and killed himself! How selfish is that! Now I don't even have a boyfriend and this is the thanks I get for trying to help someone. God! Oh well, at least now I am single again I can go back to being (more of) a slag.

3 Comments:

At 1:36 PM, Blogger Old Cheeser said...

That's a very tragic tale, Jamie. Have you no shame for the consequences of your actions? Even if you did force him out of the closet.

 
At 8:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jamie, I am thinking more and more that you are an asshole. Just because you are flaming flamboyant doesn't mean that other people want to be the center of attention too. You are so concerned about the closet that you say stupid things and make good gay people look bad.

In some of your postings you refer to yourself as "straight-acting," but I don't get it. Is that term supposed to be in your postings as a joke?

Who cares if someone is in the closet. If they are not hurting anyone, let them deal with it on their own. Heaven forbid you be supportive. You can consider yourself lucky that he didn't get so angry as to kill you and then himself. Have you heard of people doing that when they are so upset that they reach a breaking point?

He trusted you and thought he had a good thing going and you betrayed him. What a jerk!

 
At 7:53 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

jeez, some folk just don't get the joke... Oh well. Different strokes for different folks ;)

 

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