Thursday, October 19, 2006

I can't believe I went to a Pub quiz.

I still haven't heard back from "hotguyz" about my porn career, so I must of got the wrong email address or summat. Anyway, whatever.

We had like no money last night so Brian said, some of my freinds from the Dr Who Appresiation Society are going to a pub quiz, why dont we go with them and we might win and get some money?

I was like "NO FUCKING WAY!" I'm sorry but if theres one thing I really hate its pub quizzes. Theyre like so boring and depressing. But I was so bored of being stuck in the house and hearing the people next door screaming at their baby to shut up crying that I said "Oh alright then.

Anyway, we got to this pub - which was a STRAIGHT pub? Can you beelive it? ME in a straight pub. I never go in them cos they are like homofobic and stuff. All of Brian's geek Dr Who freinds were there. They all staired at me cos I was wearing my Jodie Marsh outfit. They were like trying to talk to me about stuff but it didnt work cos they didn't know anything about Christine Agileria.

Anyway, the pub quiz finally started, and there were all these boring questions about history and countries and shit, and I'm like "WHO CARES?" But then there was the pop music round and guess what? It was all about Christine Agileria - and as I am like her number one fan, I was able to answer every single question right. And we won the pub quiz cos of me.

Everyone was like "Yay Jamie!" at the end and clapped me and stuff. I was like so pleased cos I have never won anything before and never been on a team.

So I went to get the prize winnings, but it was only like £15. And cos there was like 5 of us on the team, we had to share the money so I only got £3. Pathetic or what?

Still, when I went to the toilets I gave a few wanks to married men so made £30. So it wasn't a complete waste of a night I suppose. And when we got home, that bloody baby had stopped crying at least. So that's something.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

A boy's gotta do

During Coronation Street, I was having another moan to my freinds about how much I hate living in this towerblock, when Miss Thang came over to me and put her face really close to mine and screamed in my ear for like a minute.

I was like "you burst my fucking eardrum! Why did ya do that?"
And she was all "Honey, I am SICK SICK SICK of hearing you moan and bitch. If you want a better place then do summat about it. Else put up and shut up!"
Debbie and Keither agreed with her (but that's cos they is scared of her).

Anyway, I had a think about what Miss THang said, and later on I was on the internet looking at porn and I saw an advert what said "We are always looking for hot young guys. You can make a lot of money. Send a naked photo and a recent face picture and we will pay you to come and be in a sexy film for us."

So I have sent them some photos because it has always been my dream of being a porn star, ever since I was like born! It's only been a few days now, so I suppose they must be very busy, but I expect that any minute I will get a reply saying "yes, we want you." How fab is that!

Friday, October 13, 2006

Tower block HELL

Well, I am back living with Brian again. I don't really want to talk about what happened with Frankie. But needless to say, our holiday to Jamicia did not go exactly as planned. On the last night, we had some wild sex (as usual) and he said he wanted to "test my limits as a power-bottom" or something like that. So as normal, I just lay on my stomach and bit the pillow. I had no idea what he was putting up me. And you can imagine how pissed off I was when I got stopped and searched at the airport and they found 30 condoms stuffed with heroin in my colon. I was thrown in prison for like 3 weeks. Can you beleeve it?

Anyway, to cut a long story short, I am back in Brtiain again, thanks to Brian who flew out here and sold his house to pay for the best lawyers and stuff. When we got back into Britain, all my freinds were waiting at the airport to greet us: Miss Thang, Keith, Debbie and Barbara. Miss Thang had made a big sign that said "WELCOME HOME JAMIE THE DRUG MULE!"

The first thing I did was have a KFC cos God, I have missed British food like so much. You wouldnt' believe it. I still have a load of court cases and stuff, and as the condition of my bail I have to live with Brian (Whatever!) Needless to say, he is like on CLOUD FUCKING NINE, and running around everywhere like the cat what's got the creme (me!)

I am a bit pissed off, cos as I said, Brian had to sell his flat and we are now living on the 39th floor of this horrible tower-block rented accomodation crappy thing. It's awful and everywhere smells of cat piss and the neighbours are dead rough (and not sexy-rough either). The lifts are all broken, the only good thing about that is all the stairs climbing will give me a nice bubble-butt. I've told Brian it's just not good enough though, so he is working extra hours at Comet in order so we can save up some money and get us a nice new Barratt home or something on one of those posh new estates.

I'll write more later when I can be like bothered. I have so much catching up to do on the soaps!