Sunday, November 26, 2006

Like, should I stay or should I go???

I have been like really miserable all this month. My life should be fabulous not crap like this. I am living in this smell-of-piss council block and my anscient "boyfriend" brian is pestering me for sex every night. So boring. I was telling Miss Thang and Ahmed about it at Climax 2000 our fab local gay nightclub/hardware shop. Well, I was just telling Miss Thang really as Ahmed only knows 6 words of English (all rude). He didn't know that Climax 2000 was a gay club (Miss Thang went ahead of us and said to the owner "put the football on the tv, so my boyfriend doesn't set fire to everyone". So when we arrived it was just like a straight pub (if you ignored all the posters of those horny French rugby players in black and white). But Ahmed seemed to like that as he is a big rugby fan and he knew all their names.

Anyway, I was having a moan on to Miss Thang about all my shit and she was like "honey, if you hate your life then leave Brian." But I was all "I can't, I have to stay with him for my bail." So she said "Oh Ahmed can fix you up with a new identity, he does it all the time." So she said a few words in like Indian to Ahmed and he said some stuff back and there was lots of hand moving around and then they started shouting and then slapping each other - and get this, they both pulled off each other's wigs. And then they kind of jumped on each other and Ahmed was like dry-humping her on the floor. Gross or what.

Anyway, like 30 minutes later Miss Thang got up off the floor and she was like "Yeah, Ahmed will get you fake ID. But you'll have to leave Brian tonight. Go home get your shit and meet us here."

At that point all the footballers on the tv took their clothes off and started shagging - it was't a real football match, just one of those Triga porn films what the manager had put on. Miss Thang was like "OK, time to go Ahmed my lovely!" so we left.

I got home and there was like no lights on, cos we could't afford our leccy. I was packing all my bags and stuff in the bedroom. I didn't here Brian come in. But he must have come in quietly as he caught me with the suitcase on the bed and full of all my cut-off tops.

He seemed different to normal and was all hyper. I wondered if someone had given him some drugs. "Jamie! Jamie! I have something amazing to tell you." he said. "I've won the lottery. £234,345! We're rich Jamie! We can leave this awful flat and get a proper house an a car and have a holiday an everything!!!"

Then he noticed the suitcase on the bed and he stopped talking.

"I was just..." I said. But I couldn't think of anything to say.

"I know." He said, like really quietly and really sad. "Put your stuff away Jamie. We have some selebrating to do."

So I did. And we went to that posh pizzaland and had like a starter and everything!!!


At 4:04 PM, Blogger Old Cheeser said...

You are a FAKE Jamie. Why don't you just leave Brian and have done with it? Obviously money is the only lure for you otherwise you would have left him long ago. You are one SHALLOW, SUPERFICIAL QUEEN!!

At 4:21 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you were as young and hot as him then you would act like that too.

You are just bitter that you are old and ugly and so can only get your kicks from belittling Jamie4u.


At 8:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jamie4U is a bitch.


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