Friday, September 01, 2006

Gay Stars - heed my advice and judgments!!

As everyone knows, one day (soon - next month probly) I will be famous and like have my own tv channel Jamie4Uvision where I will be followed round by cameras, like 24/7. However, there are already some bitches who have beaten me to being famous - cos they're like so very old and have been clawing there way up the ladder to fame forever! Here's my opinions on the gay "stars" of today - and if I feel kindly, I might offer them some free advice, which if they have any sense, they will listen to. Cos I'm like always right.

Alistair Appleton

Another one who's practically bald! The last time I slagged him off I like got death threats from all these crazy stalkers with no lives who are like in love with him. I was like "look love, if youre stalking Alistair Appleton then you have self-esteem issues. You do know you can like get counselling on the NHS nowadays..." My friend Keith thinks he's hot (enough said) and got me to read his blog but it was so boreing I fell asleep and split Fanta all over my computer keyboard. So Alistair you owe me a new keyboard bitch! How about NOT spending your next paycheck on hair plugs (no-one's convinced) and sending some of it my way???

Justin and Colin

I don't like this pair. They're so straight-acting - it's like their in denial about being gay or something! Self-integralising HOMOFOBIA!!! Also, I can't be doing with the Welsh. Are they a real couple? I don't think so!!! Their relationship is just for the cameras. Im betting they HATE each other in real life, like Baby Jane and Blanche (that's a film from like 1920 that Miss Thang made me watch). And I bet once the cameras are turned off they turn into a right pair of sissy queen bitches!

Brian Dowling

My God! Does he not know you can have liposuction done on your face? He looks about 45 now. What is that hairstile all about? Is it 1991 or something still? And those eyebags wont do - he looks like he should be taking orders at McDonalds on Charnock Richard Motorway Services.

There's more mingalicious pics on his website.

Dale Winton

He looks like Miss Thang when she's halfway through putting her drag costume on. I can't be doing with him - though I'd probably let him give me a blow job if there was £10 in it I suppose. I bet he smells funny.

Andrew Hayden-Smith

URRRRGH. What a right minga! Looks like someone got his wig on the wrong way round again! Also - check out his oily t-zone. Dont these people like have assistants who hover around them with a sanitary wipe? Also - eyebrow tweezers!!! Use them bitch... (I love helping)

Lowri Turner

A big drag queen, just like Divine - Miss Thang thinks she is like the best DQ ever and bases her entire act on everything that Lowri says and does. All I can say is that "she" needs to do something about those big man's hands and massive fella's chin and boxer's nose. It's like you can't be a proper drag queen if you just look like you're a bloke who's throw on your wifes dress when she's down at Netto. I would offer more tips but quite frankly, I'm wore myself out helping Andrew Hayden-Smith, so this one's on his own.


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