Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Jamie Most Haunted

Anyways, so last night Brian was all exited because of this stupid "Haunted and Celebrity walking tour" of the town centre which was organised by his boring gay group. He was all like "Jamie will you come with me" and I was like "oh my god fuck off". But he said he'd pay me £20 so I ended up going with him.

And god it was sooooooo crap. Like being back at school. When we got there, there was this group of ancient old gays standing round in tight t-shirts - the youngest one must have been 30. It was as if someone had spilt a big packet of walnuts over the floor and then they'd all been magically grown to 5ft tall - I've never seen so many wrinkled faces. Bleurgh. Anyway, you could tell they'd never talked to anyone my age before as they all kept stairing at me and trying to stand next to me and shit. I was like "talk to the hand beetch cos Jamie4U don't do charity, GOT IT?"

Anyway, the tour started and it was so boring, I fell asleep like 18 times or something. And the guide was this 100-year old drag-queen on her day off who started talking about some old cow called Shelly Bassey or something. It was all "Shelly Bassey did a shit here" and "Shelly Bassey pissed up against this wall in 1872" and all this. And all the ancient gays on the tour were like "whoo" and "how interesting" and taking photos and making notes in there sad little notebooks and whatever. Christ! Then the guide looked at me and was all like "you might find this interesting young man... Dannie Minogue stayed in this hotel 5 years ago." So I said "For Chrissakes, no-one's listening to HER anymore. Can't you tell me something about the Pussycat Dolls?" But no-body had even heard of them, suprise suprise. What do you expect from a load of retired, practically deaf old grannies? God, when I get to 30 and have to retire, I'll at least have the decency to either have a facelift or never go outside so I don't offend anyone.

Anyway, afters we ended up at this dive pub and everyone was trying to buy me drinks and I got 25 phone numbers. I also made £10 in the toilets upstairs, giving about 5 of them hand shandys. So it wasn't a completely wasted night I suppose. Oh, and I forgot to say, but I think I had a pshycic experience on the tour at one bit. We was by this haunted cinema where some lad had been murdered like 80 years ago or something in the 1960s. And I was just standing there, chilling out and shit, and this cute lad comes up and stands next to me and he's wearing like army clothes, like he's in World War II. And I'm like "hi, have we fucked before?" And he's all "No, but come round the back with me Jamie..." And I'm about to go with him, and Brian goes "WHo are you talking to?" And when I look round there's no-one there!!!!! So I think I got cruized by the ghost!! Can you believe it? That stuff is always happening to me. Anyway, I'm bored of you now so fuck off!


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