Friday, May 06, 2005

Winner Takes All

what a weerd day! I was on my way to the polling station this afternoon, but noticed this cute guy in sicyling shorts going into the loos by the bus station so I went in after him (and lets say a great time was had by all). Anyway, I was feeling a bit thirsty after that so decided to go to Climax for a couple of early evening drinks. And when I got there, Barbara was running round in circles, looking more mad than usual. "I did it!" she kept saying. "I did it. I'm rich!" You know how Brian had been skitting her for not really being a sickic and everything? Well she did a few spells and managed to pick nearly all the right lottery numbers for this week's mid-week draw. "I've won £80,000!" she was screaming. Then she pissed herself and fainted.

Of course, now that she's rich, everyone in Climax was like claiming to be her new best freind and these young lesbians who've never even looked at her before were trying to sit on her knee and shit! The lenghts people will go to for money. Barbara is lucky that I am her REAL FREIND and can protect her against these people. So I was like "fuck off!" to them all. Of course, Barbara wanted to celebrate so we went on a pub crawl round town.

I didnt get home until like 4 in the morning. Brian was sitting up by the tv, with all the lights off, crying. "The Tories got in!" he said. "There was only one vote between Tory and Labour. They had to recount it 30 times. You did vote though Jamie, didn't you?" And then I remembered that I'd used my polling card to clean myself off after that rather nice incident with the man in cycling shorts. Oh well, whatever.

Brian then got a very pissed off at me - and he started throwing stuff around (even his lifesize cut-out model of Captain Kathryn Janeway got ripped up!!!!) so I thought I'd best go out for another walk. I decided to go and do some cottaging again, but when I got to the park, there was this big bulldozer knocking down the toilets. I was like "Stop! you can't do that. I practically live here!" but the workmen just said "It's new policy. These toilets are too expensive to maintain, and besides its only perverts what use them." I cant believe it! If only there was something I could of done! Now where am I supposed to get sex?


At 11:41 PM, Anonymous Jayson said...

I'll do you mate.

At 11:16 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

is it wrong that i'm feeling mild symathetic twangs towards brian??

At 5:32 AM, Anonymous Fonda Cox said...

Laughed myself silly that you thought the polling station would still be open on Friday.

You're a daft bint, but I *heart* you Jamie.

At 5:36 AM, Blogger Shampaynes Plaice said...

i wish i had as much cock as you.


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