Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Not in Brian's name!

So Brian woke me up this morning at 10 oclock - how early is that! I normally dont get out of bed until at least 12. And he was all like "Jamie Jamie I need your help. I am going campaigning today." I was like "Calm down Mary, what the fuck are you talking about?"

And then it turns out that there's like an election or something on Thursday (who knew? You'd think it'd have been on the telly or something - I watch Scuzz, TMF and Flaunt 24/7 and no-one's mentioned it on those channels). Anyway, to make it even more bizaarre - Brian is standing for our local seat - as a Liberal or something. He's been doing it for months. I hadnt even noticed, althoguh that explains all those yellow rosettes he keeps wearing (I thought it was just a bad fashion choice) and that poster of the fat ginger man in our window (I thought it was Cilla off Coronation Street in man-drag).

SO anyway, Brian wanted me to go with him and give out leaflets and knock on doors and shit, so I was like "forget it bitch!" But then he said "Well, if I get elected you will be like my first lady - like the Queen!" so I was like "Oh OK, whatever."

Anyways, it was so boorrrrrrring. Brian kept knocking on doors and these pensioners answering and Brian saying "Do you realise that 70 million innocent babies have been killed in the Irack War? Blair is Bush's laptop! Not in my name!" And all the pensioners saying "You what love?" or "I'm voting BNP to keep the blacks out!" or "DOn't you realise this is a marginal seat for Labour and if we voted for you, the Tories would get in you deluded twit."

And all the time I was just standing there, bored as fuck. But then we knocked on one door and this sexy daddy-type-man opened it and he kept staring at me so I started flirting back and licking my lips. And that made it a bit more interesting. So even though it was like boring and stuff, at least I now know where all the closeted hot gay Daddies live (and there are tons of them - I got about 30 phone numbers for "afternoon fun".) So it wasn't totally wasted.


At 3:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Aww, Jamie I love you! Just think of all those closeted MPs you'll get your hands on if Brian wins.

At 8:41 PM, Blogger Rob7534 said...

I thought you didn't like Daddy Types!!


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