Sunday, May 01, 2005

I so hate students!

I want to thank all my "regular bitches" for there kind words during this (rare) period of sexual frustration for me. Youll all be pleased to know that Laura-slut-bitch-whore is now out of the picture. I can't tell you the full details but here's a clue - Debbie grabbed the little bitch as she was leaving netball practise the other night, held her down and shaved her head. Needless to say, she had a breakdown and is now in a secure unit. It was worth the £30 worth of Tolberone I had to pay Debbie to get her to do it.

So.... anyway, soon after Harris sent me a text which said "I have to meet you!" so I was like "Yes! It's gonna happen." I trimmed my pubic hair, put on body glitter and lip gloss and the tartiest-slut-top I have and went round to his student flat. He got me inside quickly - I could tell he was hot for it. Then it all came out: "I have decided that I want to have a gay experience and I need your help." So I dropped my drawers, jumped on his bed and through my legs in the air. But he was like "Whoa! Whoa! I can't have sex with YOU! I was hoping you'd introduce me to that hot older man I've seen you with - he looks like he knows what he's doing." Can you believe it. BRIAN! He wants to have his "gay experience" with Brian - a 30 year old - practically old enough to be his DAD!!!!

So I was like "OK, you have issues, you obviously want to get fucked by your own Dad. You need councilling." And he was like "But Brian's YOUR boyfriend so you must want to get fucked by your Dad as well." So I said "Don't try to confuse me with your student-speak. Anyway, Brian thinks your a minger so forget it." And then Harris was like "OK then, how about your other freind Keith?" KEITH!!!!! That's even more gross and disgusting than Brian. So I told him that Keith has leporosy (which is practically true) and then he was like "OK, how about that drag queen Miss Thang? Is she available?" At this point I lost the plot. I threw all his student books and his guitar out the window. And before I flounced out I turned to him and said "I am fucking fabulous! Nobody rejects me! Rot in hell bitch! I never want to see you again."

When I got home I sent him a text message but he hasn't replied yet.


At 1:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't see the problem. Keith seems pretty hot to me.

At 4:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Delighted you got rejected. Now please fuck off and die, you pox on humanity.

At 9:51 PM, Blogger PoetX said...

Rejection is such a bitter pill to swallow! There will be others though Jamie ! And after all he was a STUDENT !!

At 12:16 AM, Anonymous bummerboi said...

OMG, how frustrating is that! i'm sure you have 101 other ways to get this harris dude in bed. i would suggest bringin a long a digital cam just in case he gets anal on u ;)

never know when it comes in handy

At 3:18 AM, Anonymous Coco Chanel-Tunnel said...

OMG Jamie

Clearly he didn't know a good lay when he saw it.

Keep up the excellent ambassadorial work for gay men everywhere.

You're an inspiration to us all.

At 7:26 AM, Blogger William John said...

I don't know how this could have happened. Perhaps he was on some mind-altering drug?

You weren't very romantic with your "legs in the air" approach, either... though I'm sure the view would have been just swell... ;)

William John.


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