Wednesday, April 13, 2005

No-one has ever DARED treat me like this.

So I had arranged to meet everyone last night in Climax our fablous local gay club, but nobody was answering my text mssages - must be a fault with the phone or something, so I turned up anyway, and everyone was sitting by the bar: Debbie, Brian, Miss Thang and Barbara. I was all like "hi beetches!" and shit but they all just gave me this funny look.

"Keith's dead!" Debbie said. "And you couldn't even be arsed to go to his funral you little shit!"

"It was mainly your fault he killed himself," said Brian. "And by the way, your dumped!" Then he did that thing with his mouth where it goes all small like an anus.

I was in shock! No-one has ever dared speak to me like that before. "Miss THang!" I said "Say something! Brian and Debbie are picking on me."

"I can see how you'd think I'd be your best bet," said Miss THang. "But for once I agree with Brian. You are a cunt Jamie. Even I was at Keith's funeral and I didn't even like him."

Then Barbara came out of one of her trances and said "I have been communicating with Keith from the other side and he is a restless soul wandering around the Garden Centre (it's where he was most happy) and he is a vengeful spirit and is going to enact an awful revenge on you Jamie."

Then everyone started chanting "Fuck off Jamie forever" and then the whole of Climax joined in so I ran out crying. ANd they were all laughing behind me but it wasn't ha-ha-April-fools laughing it was we-hate-you laughing. Fuck! What am I going to do now?


At 6:32 AM, Blogger Sean. Spelled the Right Way. said...

Oh Jamie...those bitches just don't know who they're fucking with.

Let 'em sip on that Haterade, boi...you're going to be a huge star and will need to drop all of them once you're shagging Beckham anyway.

So dust off the haters, baby boi...Buck up and keep strong. You're soooooo the shit AND the stink!

At 3:42 PM, Blogger gdayscott said...

hire two fit latino escorts (might take up a fair chunk of your pocket money but it'll be worth it) and then go down to climax when you know they're there. Then spend the evening getting off with one of them and they'll be running around the other like headless chickens. tell the other one though that if he gets off with anyone then he gets no money. he is to just say that he fancies you. they'll be so impressed that they'll forget about that dead guy. what was his name again?

At 9:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I BLOODY TOLD YOU! Miss Thang, Debs, Brian all hate you.

Time for you to move to Manchester and get a real man!

At 6:43 AM, Blogger Ms Mac said...

Buy Debbie some chocolate, she'll love you again! Buy Miss Thang some Boots no. 7 Twilight Teaaser lipstick, she'll love you again. I'm not sure about Brian though. You might have to say sorry, them's the breaks!

Don't worry about Barbara, she's probably too out of it to remember anything anyway.


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