Sunday, April 17, 2005

Jamie4U 1 Janeway 0

Hi Beetchen, so I have like moved into Brian's flat. I didnt like any of Brians stuff so Ive had it thrown out and we went to MFI and he bought a load of new things instead, beds and shit. To sellebrate I decided to throw a huge party and invite all my freinds round: Debbie, Keith, Barbara, Miss Thang and her drag queen possey. Brian was a bit nervous "do you think I should lock away my Jesus Christ Superstar memoriliba and lifesize cut-out of Captain Kathryn Janeway from Star Trek Voyager?" BUt I was like "Oh fuck off, Im too busy putting in highlights to care."

The party was fab anyhow. I was only supposed to invite like 10 people but word got round and there must of been 200 in Brians flat at the end. The drag queens all got on the kitchen table and sang a medley of Diana Ross songs - fabuloza! Sadly, the table broke and they fell off and one of them is now in traction. Ha ha ha!

Barbara brought all her drugs along "What letter of the alfabet do you want Jamie love?" she asked. "I've got E and K and LSD and XYZ." I had a bit of everything, just to be polite. I also had a bit of the lad who works in the butchers - cant remember his name. But we sneaked off into the bathroom and locked ourselves in for our "wedding night". God - what a six pack!

ANyway, the climax came at the end of the night when Debbie suddenly pissed herself all over Brian's new carpet. "What's happening? What's happening?" she kept saying. "I feel funny, like something's moving inside me!" Then she fell in her own piss and started screaming. All the drag queens joined in the drama and started screaming "It's an alien! She has an alien in her!!! Where's Sigorney Weever?" . And youll never guess!!!! 10 minutes later Debbie had had a baby!!!!!!! She's so fat anyway, she never even knew she was pregnant. What a drama. I had to go with her to the hospital and she was screaming "More drugs more drugs!" all the way.

When I got home the party was over and Brian was sitting crying in the middle of the sitting room, in Debbie's piss, trying to sellotape the lifesize Captain Kathryn Janeway back together. Poor Bitch. Both of them I mean.


At 2:04 AM, Blogger Rob7534 said...

It's not piss Jamie dear, it's baby fluid. The amianic fluid. You should have saved it, they use it in shampoo!!

At 6:58 PM, Anonymous Tyler said...

Ah, 'amianic' doesn't sound right either. Amniatic? Amniotic? Umm?

I'll never have anything to do with it anyway, so I don't suppose it matters!

Jamie, I hope you're going to be gay-godfather? Every kid needs a good role model like you honey!


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