Monday, April 25, 2005

I'm in McLove!

Debbies baby is really getting big - she can eat like two portions of chips a day. Debbie is so proud "She had her first cigarette yesterday!"

ANyway, baby was feeling a bit hungry so we thought we'd nip into McDonalds to get her a cheeseburger and a McFlurry before going on to our great local gay club Climax. Anyway, we were just tucking into our Happy meals when there was all this kerfuffle. All these STUDENTS (I apologise for my bad language) wearing CHARITY SHOP CLOTHES!!!! (noooooo!) burst in with these plackards with writing on them. And they were all chanting "McDonalds kills trees. McDonalds explodes third world cultures. McDonalds makes people fat so they die!"

Debbie got a bit mad cos dissing McDonalds is like calling her mother a whore or something so she got up and started belting these students round the head with there plackards. As you know, all students are soft as shit so they all started crying and most of them ran out.

But there was this one student-boy who was like the ringleader who Debbie had really clobbered and he was lying on the floor going "oooooh ooooo owww!" I kind of tripped over him but then I noticed he was gorgeous (well he would have been if he got some blonde streaks in his hair and went to TopMan). So I was all like "are you ok? My name's Jamie." And then I realised that I dont know how to talk to students so I didn't know what to say so I just stared at his huge crotch. And I think at that moment I fell in love with him.

Then Debbie came over and she was like "Jamie, get up, we have to go to Climax RIGHT NOW!" And then the student got all interested and he was like "Are you gay? Wow. That's so cool. I've never met a gay lad before but my girlfriend had to do an essay on gender performance. Wow, you are so cool. Can I come to Climax with you?"

So we were like "OK, whatever bitch!" but I was secretly pleased because he is so gorgeous and I'm sure he's just in the closet. Anyway, he is called Harris (what sort of stupid name is that!) and is from Bristol (where the fuck is that?) And now I have his mobile number so I guess this is just the start. I've never felt like this about anyone before. My tummy is all tingly!!! I bet he has a big cock. What do you reckon?


At 4:19 PM, Blogger Deano said...

Jamie, You're a shallow little fucker. You make puddles seem like oceans.
Die. Soon. (But do it in a really nice Topman outfit)

At 9:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

you fanny, why didnt you just grab his grandfather clock. or at least rummaged his april in paris. once again i must arrive at this conclusion: you are a bloody minger!

At 7:29 AM, Blogger Lee said...

Darling J -

The only difference between straight and gay is two bottles of wine, in my world-wise experience.

PS - glad you're back. Been missing you from Doll Soup.

At 10:11 PM, Anonymous Tyler said...

Jamie, honey ... you give him something to think about, to always look back on fondly ... because you're fabulous ... and after a few drinks, or six ...he'll be gay, or gay enough!

At 5:15 AM, Blogger david said...

i saw this and thought of you.

and it's not even a parody!!!



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