Sunday, April 24, 2005

I have a dream...

Well kids, we are all back in Britin, no thanks to Debbie who had a huge air-rage attack on the plane (they caught her smoking in the toilets and when they tried to stop her she severed an artery of one of the air hostesses by biting her on the neck. Four big men had to sit on her to keep her restrained. They were bruised and crying by the time the plane landed. Meanwhile, I "set up shop" in the toilet (well, Debbie wouldn't be needing it anymore) and had a rather nice time with three of the trolley dolleys.

Oh my god though! Life is like so boring now I am back in this country. I hate Asda. They've put me in the booth selling lottery tickets - as a punishment for "cheeking the boss" and "having an attitude" (I am all about the 'tude). So I have to sit there and deal with all the smelly chav old ladies rubbing fucking lucky trolls and four leaf clovers over their lottery tickets.

You know what though - one day I'm going to be rich and famous and a sillebrity. And then I'll have it all. I'll leave this stupid boring city and go and live in my own 2 bedroomed flat in Manchester above a pub on Canal Street (or Salford even if there aren't any available - I can wait until one comes free I suppose) and all the furniture will be that posh stuff from Ikea (and not from the damaged stock either!) and I'll be able to afford as much KFC and Cadburys Creme eggs as I want. And I'll never get fat or old cos I'll just have lipsuction and a face lift once a month. And I'll walk down that fucking Canal Street and everyone'll be like "Who's that? I've fallen in love with him! I have to have him!" An' I'll be all like "Fuck off all of you. Don't you know WHO I AM! I am JAMIE4U! I only shag closeted footballers and people who used to be in boybands. So get over it!"

You so know its gonna happen.


At 7:46 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh jamie you are such a minger and dont even know it.

At 4:04 PM, Blogger gdayscott said...

keep off my turf boy or the claws come out!


Post a Comment

<< Home