Monday, March 28, 2005

I am beautiful in every single way.

Despite the fact that Debbie is in a wheelchair and has most of her head in a plaster cast, she has discharged herself. You are porbably asking yourself "why?" Well I will tell you. Do you remember a while ago when my new best freind Barbara read my tarot and told me I was going to be famous? And you may aslo remember that me and Debbie had done a Karioke in Manchester the other week and everyone had been dead impressed. Well - guess what you'll never beleive it - there is a new series of Pop Idol and they are auditioning for it in Manchester. This one is to find the best duo. Well, the auditions were like TODAY so I had to bust Debbie out of hospital so we could get there in time. I know, I can't beleive it either. Fortunately we didn't need to practice our song because we both have like NATRUAL TALENT. We both had to rush to get into our costumes (matching white demin outfits). We also made up the name of our act which is "JADEB" (it's half my name and half Debbie's name).

Anyway, we had to cue at this hotel all day to get seen - and first we had to do a practice audition in front of these nobody tv researchers. We heard them tell someone that they only let the very best and the very worst through to the proper auditions in front of Simon Cowl and the other judges. I don't need to tell you that we were so good that we got through to the proper audition without even having to try. Those researchers could spot real talent when they heard it, and even though we like forgot half the lyrics and had to start again twice (Debbie was on morphine for the pain so you can't really blame her).

Anyway, after waiting like another three hours we finally got taken into the audition room and there was Simon Cowl and these two other people who I didn't know but they're supposed to be like famous or something. Whatever! So we did our song (Beautiful by Christina Agwilaria). I could tell that we were making a huge impact on the three judges because they were all sitting there with this faraway expression on there faces. Debbie had brought along her maracas as well, and I did some of my famous break-dancing halfway through. I could tell that I touched and moved everybody in the room because one of the judges was actually CRYING when we finished and the other judge had to leave the room halfway through because we were so good.

Anyway, we finished and waited to hear Simon Cowl say the words "you're through to the next round." But there was a very long silence and then Simon said "OK. How did you think you did?" I thought I had better be a bit modest so I said "We haven't had much time to practice but I think we'll make great tv." They all nodded their heads at this and Simon said "Yes, you'd be amazing on tv. Unfortunately we can't let you through to the next round."

Debbie then started to get a bit angry as her pills were wearing off, so she rolled up her sleeves and started to push her wheelchair towards the judges table, saying "You fucking cunt, I'm gonna fuckalise you!" Simon leapt up and shouted "get this lunatic out of here!" and then these security guards jumped on us and dragged us out.

I am like so disappointed because I was really good and if it hand't been for Debbie I'm sure we would have got through. We had a huge fight in the streets outside and I got so mad that I turned off the brakes of her wheelchair and pushed it down the hill shouting "fuck off you bitch!" Then I got the train home.

When I got back I talked it all over with Brian and he says they'll probably show us on the actual tv show when it airs and I'm sure that a talent scout will spot us and snap us up straight away. Brian said I should get in touch with Debbie so I said I would to see if she's ready to apologise so I sent her a text message but she hasn't replied. Oh well.


At 5:16 PM, Blogger Sean. Spelled the Right Way. said...

I can't stop laughing. I just can't.

This is perhaps the most clever, awful thing I've read in days.

At 4:03 AM, Blogger William John said...

Debbie is so insensitive. You're the star, and just because she doesn't have the twinkle...

sigh... jealousy, methinks...


William John.


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