Friday, March 04, 2005

Allsorts going on at work

I keep getting emails and shit from like EVERYONE saying why haven't I updated. Well, like the Pope, I'm not well. Remember my new boss Simon at work who made me work in the wearhouse all the time on my own. Well it was just a plot because he wanted to get me alone so he could shag me. I should of seen it coming - everybody fancies me. Anyway, I went along with it at first, although he's way out of my age range (he's 25 which is about 5 years older than I normally go with), he is quite powerful at work and looks good in his manager's suit, which he says he gets from somewhere called "Next". Funny name for a shop that. Wonder why I've never heard of it before?

Anyway, we were like having sex behind some boxes of sanitary pads in the warehouse every day for a week. It's so wierd doing it with older men. They take ages to finish themselves off (about three minutes). He also has a couple of grey hairs. Urrrgh! Gross or what. It's like being with my grand-dad or summat. And what's with all that fat round his stomach? Is that what I have coming to me? He must have at least a 32 inch waist. So, to be honest, I was getting a bit tired of it all. I mean a week is practically a long term relationship. And he's quite boring really. All he could talk about was going to "Ikea" with his wife. I have no idea what or where Ikea is. Can anyone explain? It's like he's from a different planet to me or something.

Anyway, I was on the verge of dumping him, when there was some excitement. First of all - his wife came into the supermarket and slapped Debbie across the face FOR NO REASON AT ALL. Or so we thought. It turned out that he'd given his wife sphyllis and then had to confess that he'd been having an affair at work. But rather than say it was with me, he said it was Debbie's fault. I can tell you, I was like SO GLAD that there are so many gay men still living frightened and miserable lives in the closet - if it wasn't for that fact I'd be scared to walk the streets as half the married women round here would want to kill me!

Anyway, you don't mess with Debbie (even when she HAS been having an affair with your husband), she's a big girl. So she thumped the wife and knocked her flat on her face. And then she sat on the wife's face until she was practically suffocated. They had to take her away in an ambulance. Then Debbie had one of her fake panic attacks and so she had to go in another ambulance.

They had to have an inquiry or something from Head Office and it all came out, and Simon got the sack for "abusing his position". Debbie and me both got a £50 gift voucher each to not go to the papers. So it all worked out grate for us both. Debbie has eaten most of her money (chocolate and McDonalds). And I have stocked up on my supply of E, so we're both happy.

On a completely unrelated topic though, I've been feeling really unwell lately. I had a big sore on my cock for a few days, then it went away. Now I have this weird skin rash. Never mind, I'm sure it'll clear up soon.


At 1:06 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

what a complete and utter idiot, just read your bit about life at work and shagging your boss and how you boasted you got £50 quid for giving him Syphilis, do you know what Syphilis can do not only yo your ex boss but to you?

At 7:42 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hope you don't die from AIDS or something with all of the "shagging" you describe. You like to say you are so picky about the looks of your partners, but I wonder how you will look in 10 years with the way you are treating your body -- with multiple partners, smoking, drugs, and thinking everything is funny. I hope you are not one of those depressed people who has to make a huge build-up of the little stupid things to have just a little joy in your life.


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