Thursday, January 13, 2005

Miss Thang is no freind of mine!

I HATE Miss Thang. She is such a bitch and her friends are all evil cunts and users. I'm never going to talk to any of them again. To cut a long story short, Miss Vaginal Discharge put LSD in my 20/20 "for a laugh" - yeah hilarious. And while I was sleeping off the hallucinations, they set fire to my hair so now I have a huge bald patch. And then they stole my mobile phone and all my money and cash cards (which I've had to cancel as they've been using them in Netto and Woolworths). Worse still, they left a note in my pocket saying "By the way Jamie love, you might want to get tested for syphillis now, as you've probably caught it off one of us."

I was furious and would have trashed Miss Thang's flat but it is so dirty and disgusting that I don't think she would have noticed. In fact, even if I had set fire to it and smeared shit everywhere, it would have been an improvement.

So anyways, I'm telling everyone I know - and if you see them, just watch out. They're all total dogs. My friends Debbie and Keith have been really sympathetic. Debbie shop-lifted one of those giant Cadbury's bars of chocolate (by hiding it down her knickers) and we scoffed it and watched Celebrity Big Brother. And all I have to say is that Jackie Stallone looks younger and more attractive and normal than Miss Thang and her friends.
Keith has developed a bit crush on Jeremy Edwards and keeps having these dreams about him. Typical of Keith. Jeremy Edwards might have been good-looking like 15 years ago or something, but now he's so old he could be my grand-dad. His face is so full of lines and he's PRACTICALLY BALD - his hairline starts halfway to the back of his face. He must be at least 45.

Anyway, to help me get over my awful ordeal of the last few days, Debbie and Keith and me are going to go to Blackpool this weekend to have a laugh and get shags. We've booked into this gay hotel where there are no locks on the doors. I can't wait. It'll be such a scream!


At 2:40 PM, Blogger Anna said...

Jamie, love, I've got a possible match4U.


I think you'd make a darling pair of giddy kippers.

At 7:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hilarious! I think you asked for it, based on the description of the people you chose to hang with. I'm sure the druggies thought they were not doing anything really wrong and were having a good laugh. They just gave you some of the drugs they do.

After reading some of your other postings about the fun you had with Ms. Thang and her friends, you should have seen it coming. What about the prank you played on your friend. Was it Keith? Don't remember, but as they say, "Don't dish it out if you can't take it."

What do you expect from hanging out with druggies and being so careless with your lifestyle? The diseases you are in danger of getting are much worse than a bald spot and lost credit cards.


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